Remaining aware of vasanas, patterns, and interests might be enough to keep me on track if it wasn’t for the intervention of self-servingness.
Sociologists call it the self-serving bias. The Company of Heaven calls it service-to-self.
It’s a construction of a mind convinced that we must struggle with each other for a fixed amount of resources and only the fittest will win and survive.
A strong self-serving bias then becomes an asset. The rules we follow become like: Look out for Number One; someone is eating your lunch; you snooze, you lose; etc.
Self-servingness arises unnoticed and has a certain feel to it. It tends to be suspicious and skeptical, held back and manipulative. Whenever those feelings are present, I know I’ve lapsed into being self-serving.
Again the answer for me is simple: Just stop. Just let it go. I don’t need to fill the space thus created with anything else. Allow there to be space. Everything good arises in space and won’t arise until there is space.
I know that self-servingness does not go with us into the higher dimensions. On any occasion I’ve spent in that love-filled environment, the self is almost totally forgotten as we have no outstanding desires save for more love.
Sages point out that two words are obstacles to unfoldment. They are “I want.” Ego (“I”) and desire (“want”).
When one is immersed in an ocean of love, no desires arise and hence no perception of ego.
There is no longer any self to serve.